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We finally moved our office to a much more refined space. The abandoned Kohl’s in Burbank wasn’t serving our recruitment efforts well: it turns out Modern Workers have super high expectations when it comes to facilities, and the hanging ceiling tiles, overabundance of nude mannequins, ghostly shopping carts and “Step Into Spring” shoe sale banners from 2004 were a big turn off to recent applicants for one of our most prestigious roles: In-Line Skate Technician, Level III. At

We hit the ground running in 2026, in no small part due to our latest training regimen: LIFEFLIGHT4000: ATTACK THE SPACE IN FRONT OF YOU. WITH FISTS. We built this regimen to put a full stop to the annual post-holiday malaise that always wrecks the kickoff of our various New Year Schemes…ah…our various Very Important Business Operational Initiatives. The malaise being that thing people do when they come back from the two-week hiatus that encompasses popular global distraction

Our Chief Operating Officer, Yvette Roland-Smith, found us a new Senior Manager, Plant Operations, to work under our Director of Plant Operations, Joanna Shippenbock. God what a mess. We’ve got so many job titles and job descriptions flying around this place it’s insane. Plus one time we did this experiment where we seated all 109 of our Mid-Atlantic Employees—from departments including: Research and Development Psychological Weapons Enablement Marketing Human Resources…oh cr

Raul, our Chief Merchandizing Officer, got in trouble with the courts again, which of course traces back to us despite our clandestine nature, as evidenced by… No sign on building (just the weather-marked outlines of marquees from the two previous tenants: Kohl’s, and Rod’s Guns ‘n Autos, the latter of which we wished still existed) Owned by 24 different LLCs and one Dubaian investment group we’ve never met in person Bank exclusively in Cayman Islands No social media presence

We came up with our new marketing guy’s job description because he was too tired to write it himself. And in fact, as it turns out, he...

Paul Galverson works for us in an unknown capacity…or maybe he’s doing research, no one can tell. He’s either from Upwork or Accenture,...